A Father's Day Reflection

A friend shared with me an article that commented on excerpts of Barack Obama’s Book Dreams from my Father.  Many likely know that as a  10-year old  boy Barack met his father for the first and only time in his life.  The book describes the longing for the father he barely knew.

The topic of fathers missing in the lives of children is a theme President Obama spoke to on his first Father’s Day in the White House. The article notes a White House Town Hall Meeting where he encouraged young men to break the cycle:

“There is no rule that says you have to repeat your father’s mistakes.  Just the opposite.  You have an obligation to break the cycle and to learn from those mistakes.  To rise up where your own fathers fell short and to do better with your children.”

Those words turned my thoughts to my own father.  My parents married very young.  They were 17 when my older sister was born, 18 when I arrived, and 22 when my younger sister came aboard.  My father was adopted and my mom never knew her father.  My cuddly grandfather wasn’t much of a father to my dad - spending some years in prison for gambling offenses and organized crime connections.  My parents would divorce after 19 years of marriage, but remain close to this day.

My mom’s role in keeping the young family above water is worthy of its own story -- but given this is Father’s Day I will save that until next year. 

Some might say the odds were stacked against my dad when it came to fatherhood:  Three children at a very young age, no real role models to look towards, and we didn’t have many financial resources as a young family.  Yet……..

As far back as I can remember my dad had this father gig down.  I attribute this to two factors: 1) He didn’t want his children to experience the absence of a father’s presence in their lives the way he had, 2) God endowed him with special father abilities (Nature vs nurture -- he was just born to be a dad).

Some father/son relationships are complex - -ours never was.  I always knew my dad loved me unconditionally, that he was proud of me, and that he was there for me any time I needed him -- 

A handful of memories that come to mind -- 

• When I was in kindergarten I had half day classes in the afternoon.  My dad would come home on his lunch break pretty much every day to comb my hair before I went to school.  He was pretty fussy and had to get the part just right.

• Saturdays we would drop the girls downtown to go shopping and we would grab a burger and go home and watch college football -- I can still feel how perfect those days were.

• My dad has an easy way with people that I still admire.  When I was very young he worked as a bank teller at a drive through “booth”.  There were two rows  of three booths and my dad always had the longest line because people enjoyed sharing a few minutes with him.  One day I sat in the booth with him as he charmed  person after person with easy conversation.

• My dad fought through the stigma of my grandfather’s offenses to join the Denver Police Department.  It wasn’t an easy road, but he kept fighting until it happened.  He retired 27 years later with a legion of the best friends a guy could have.

• My dad worked “off-duty” assignments for many years to help fund private high school for my sisters and me.

• After a rocky end to the first segment of my career it was my dad I turned to for perspective and guidance to sort out what was to come next.

To this day my relationship with my father is simple and easy.  I still know he loves me unconditionally, is proud of me, and is always there for me.  My dad is hands down the best man I have ever known -- being able to say that is the greatest gift he ever gave me.